


A Slap in the Face

by bump_in_the_dark



Series: Wack! [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-30
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-06 23:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/741539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bump_in_the_dark/pseuds/bump_in_the_dark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for a prompt over on the hobbit kink meme:</p>
<p>Bilbo gets annoyed at Thorin for whatever reason and ends up slapping him.<br/>Thorin and co are stunned, but not as stunned as Bilbo when he learns that slapping is a very dedicated proposal in Dwarf customs.<br/>Does Thorin reject/accept immediately? Since Bilbo saved his life/is adorable, does he think it over for a while, making the days totally awkward? Does Bilbo attempt to take it back, only to be met with hisses and gasps from the company? Is there a reason Thorin can't refuse? GIMME PLEASE?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Slap in the Face

**Author's Note:**

> (first fic ever, criticism appreciated but please be gentle) no beta, I repeat, no beta, all mistakes are my own

"You stupid, pompous, bull-headed son of an elf!" Bilbo screamed. He was so close to Thorin, he could practically feel the heat of his glare. Son of an elf being the most insulting thing he could think of about a dwarf. It must have worked because Bofur winced and even Dwalin cringed.   
  
"What did you just say to me, halfling?" Thorin growled.   
  
Bilbo would've been terrified had he not been to angry. "You heard me! Are you really that resentful that I saved you? Honestly?! Save me from the stubbornness of dwarves!"  
  
"It was not your place to help me, fool hobbit", the dwarf in question sneered.   
  
"Oh, no", Kili whispered.   
  
Bilbo saw red. "Not my place? NOT MY PLACE! Thorin Oakenshield-"  He pulled his arm back and did something no respectable (and sane) hobbit should ever do-  
  
He slapped Thorin Oakenshield.   
  
The Compony gasped. Bilbo suspected that no one had ever had the nerve to hit a King Under the Mountain.   
  
"Well, why don't we find you an orc party, get you bitten by a warg and then you can get yourself out of it!".   
  
Thorin raised a hand to his reddened cheek and huffed a laugh.   
"And here I thought you were angry, halfling", he chuckled. "I accept". He dropped his hand and strutted over to the fire where Nori and Gloin were laughing hard enough to wake the dead.   
  
Bilbo blinked and looked around. The other members of the Company were also smiling and laughing.   
"Uh, what just happened?" he asked meekly.   
  
Fili threw an arm over Bilbo's shoulders. "Welcome to the family, Uncle Bilbo!".   
  
"That was a perfect proposal!" Dori praised.   
  
"Pro-proposal?" Bilbo stuttered. "What do you mean, proposal?"  
  
"Laddie", Balin started, "we dwarves are a sturdy people, as you must have noticed. We also seem to be the most, well, violent. Our weddings are very important and there are certain rituals that are somewhat-"  
  
"Violent", Dwalin chuckled.   
  
"Well, yes. You see, laddie, our proposals are never in words. They're to flimsy, easily broken. When a dwarf wants to propose to their intended, they gather a group of friends and family and they slap them".   
  
Bilbo blinked again. "Slap them?" he repeated.   
  
"Yep", Fili beamed and hugged Bilbo with the arm still around his shoulders. "Only once are we meant to hit our intended and you just filled your quota".   
  
"But you hit people all the time that doesn't mean you want to marry them!" Bilbo cried. He was starting to get a little light headed.   
  
"No", Kili agreed, "but you said his name first. You said, Thorin Oakenshield, and then you slapped him. When Ori proposed to, he said 'Dwalin son of Fundin' and slapped him. Granted, he didn't hit him very hard but still".   
  
Ori smiled up at Dwalin and the bigger dwarf kissed the top of his head.   
  
"Oh dear", Bilbo muttered. _Struck by lightening,_ he thought and his knees buckled.   
  
"Whoa". Fili quickly caught Bilbo with his other arm and gently lowered him to the ground. "I've got you, Mr. Boggins", he said.   
  
"I didn't know about this", he muttered. "I did NOT know about this".   
  
"Are you wanting to back out Master Baggins?" came a gravelly voice behind the hobbit. Bilbo turned and found Thorin looking down at him with a blank expression. "I should have known better than to think that you would know our ways".   
  
Bilbo looked away to Kili, and the crushed hope in his eyes broke something in Bilbo.   
  
"Now, I never said that", he said softly. A grin slowly found it's way onto his face. He shook of Fili's arm and stood up to face Thorin. "It would seem you are the one trying to get out of my proposal Master Dwarf".   
  
Thorin smiled slightly. "I would never do such a thing".   
  
"Good", Bilbo nodded. "But-", Thorin's smile fell, " if you want to make this official, you have to do a part of a hobbit proposal. Just to be fair".   
  
Thorin backed Bilbo up to a tree, a flash of lust in his eyes. "And what would I need to do, my hobbit?"  
  
Bilbo swallowed. "Care to take a guess?"  
  
"Gladly", Thorin chuckled. He lent down and pressed his lips hard to Bilbo's. It had been a while since the King Under the Mountain had been laid.  
  
_Let's break that streak, shall we?_


End file.
